Nursing School Sucks

I have been in college since 2005. A long Effing time! I have been doing the best I can for the past 2 1/2 years because around 2006-2009, I was trying to do what everyone 19/20 year old wants to do. Live alone, party, work, have a nice apartment, have a good relationship and still try and pass prerequisites for nursing school. Well, everyone in my life knows how this has turned out in my favor. I was evicted from my first apartment, in a dumb relationship for almost 3 years that gave me NOTHING, I had to keep moving further and further from my school and trying to get there when you have a sucky Dodge, Neon and an ex who won't work does not fit in your college student life. We all struggle yes, but I never realized how much time was wasted. 3 years!

I kept trying to pass one class for 3 semesters while trying to work and pay bills and rent which was super friggin hard and then living with someone who kept me away from my family and in the dark was just wrong. I was very weak then, but I'm only happy to say that I've learned to be a stronger person from that relationship. I dare someone to EVER try and walk all over me again.

When I got out of that relationship, I moved in with my sister and was depressed for a long time. I jumped right into another one even though I knew I shouldn't have. That one lasted two years. I had to be mama, daddy, sister, brother, cousin, teacher, and girlfriend to this person. CHILDISH is the best adjective. I cannot believe the things I did....the things I saw in this person. I knew I was hurt and I was only relishing in the fact that someone was giving me attention after a bad break up. I said I didn't want to get in a rebound relationship, but they didn't listen. .......You're listening now I bet!

Let's say....I'm super glad I got out of that crap. I had to take my second semester nursing class over because I was WORKING like a dummy and didn't study as much. The next time I took that class, I killed it. The next semester, I broke up with this person who was making me taking care of them and went back home yet again.

I am in the best relationship of my life now. There are some downfalls, but the good outweighs the bad in this situation. Driving for an hour to clincial at 5 am is not fun. I am soooo not a morning person, but duty calls with nursing school. Treat this like a full time job they say, you can't work, you need to study this many hours a week, you need to concentrate, write when you study, blah, blah, blah, effing blah! I have to repeat my two first semester senior classes now. ....How great. I tried to study, I tried to work, I tried to get the hell out of these classes. They do not make it easy. I'm not trying to say that they should've just let us all just fly on through the program with no challenge. I know obtaining a nursing degree won't be easy, but this ish is ridiculous. I don't live in a cookie cutter environment where Mommy and Daddy can pay for everything and I have no worries at all. I need to pay my phone bill, my car insurance, anything that happens to my car since it's such a lemon, gas to drive 30 to 45min every 4-5 days, food (I'm not blessed with foodstamps), lights in my house (I can't read/study in the dark).....it's just so much that I don't feel like they understand we have to go through.

The economy sucks so hard right now and it isn't easy for anyone. I stopped working and I started to do better, but I just didn't make it. NOW I will most likely, if they even allow me to continue in the program, and if not, yall will see me on the news and a school gone up in smoke because the psycho side of me will resurface, have to take both of these classes seperatley and still be yet ANOTHER semester behind. The only good I see in this is that I'll be able to finish with my child development courses as well....hey, I might actually finish this BEFORE nursing. That will be a shame. I love nursing. I love helping people, but this is just too unbelievably undoable. I don't know if it's me, I don't know if it's the school, but something needs to change. I am so tired of this. So tired. .....Rant over

Test from Hell

Okay....so for the past few days I have been locked in the house studying my butt off for this Cardiac Exam. I was certain I knew what I was doing. I was looking at the powerpoints as much as possible. I brought my notecards to work and I even did some practice questions to test my knowledge. I was doing great...or so I thought. Last night I went with some 13th Gaters to go see the new Silent Hill in 3D....it was okay...but I loved the nurses. They will always have a special place in my heart.

When I got home I even did some more questions and looked at a few slides before falling asleep. I was  certain I had this. There was no way that she (one of our instructors) could make this test harder than I thought it would be. I was so wrong.

I looked at the questions on the first page and was like okay, this is a little challenging, but I can do it. But no. My world ended when I got to the second page. I was stumped. "WTF is this?" I was so confused. My mind was splitting into so many different sections of my brain, I just wanted to scream. I had no idea where the hell she would come up with some of this stuff. I thought it absolutely impossible to make a test this hard. It was just....no.

She called ten minutes when I was on like number 43 and I panicked. I skipped like 2 questions and I still had 2 calculation problems to do. 50 freakin questions and we had an hour for the most evil test in the world. Nothing....NOTHING has topped this test since I've been in college since 2005. ....NOTHING.

I finished (barely) and I was praying the whole time while taking this. I'm sure most of my answers are wrong, I want a drink and to also sleep for just two days without anyone bothering me.

And to top off this most horrendous of days in my life, we were expected to pay attention to the new content being taught after THAT! How IN the HELL am I supposed to even comprehend what she is talking about with GU (is she even speaking in English) after that massive brain F*&%!?...HOW??

..................anyway....I'm voting tomorrow.....yay?

I'm tired

Yes. It's 1:30 am and I'm still awake. Why am I still awake you ask....well I've been working at the 13th Gate and it's Hell Week so we've been open 7 nights straight. I have assignments due (nursing school says screw the rest of your life...I'm your life now!!), and I'm watching a rerun (i hope it's a rerun...I'm so out of touch with the world that I can't even tell what time it is in Florida) of Vice President Biden's rally.

My uniform for clinical in the morning....oh wait...o_O.....it IS morning....i meant later....is ironed, but I still look like a zombie....(no kidding...I still have my make up on). I didn't feel well today and I missed an exam (oh joy), and my boyfriend is passed out in the room. I'm tired but irritated. I want to study, but throw my laptop over the governor's mansion (and wish it would hit the top of Jindal's head). I want to finish these assignments, but write (F&^% you on them and then submit it with a picture of my butt in the air. I AM EXHAUSTED

This semester has drained me completely of all capacity to think logically and remain the nice person that I am. I'm very nice. ....ask anyone...but this is just soooooo infuriating. There are things I want to do, like play my Sims 3 or finish reading The Marketplace Series, but no...I start to feel guilty when I do these things and force myself to take quizzes and read powerpoint slides and make notecards of drugs I don't care to understand....but I have to. I want to be a nurse right?? Right???

I'm thinking of my future and the future of my children (when I have them)..........why is the vice president kissing a random baby.....anyway.....my moment of distraction there....



......yea what was I saying again???....

O..school...yea I sooo want to be a nurse.
Totally
...completely
........irrevocably (i don't know if this is spelled right)

(sigh) Who cares..

Bailers!

Well.....I had quite the day today and last night. I worked at the Haunted House last night and didn't get home til 1am. I had to be at clinical for 6:30 am today and I was super exhausted! I took off today 1) to study and 2) so I can go through the gate with family/friends who were interested. EVERYBODY bailed on me so now I'm like really??? It just makes me upset that I could be working right now instead of looking for people to go with at the last minute. Me no likey!

Well my boyfriend is trying to find some of our friends to go with and possibly go get drinks later. He's not into the whole haunted house thing, but he's willing to do this for me. He sees that I need a break and I really wanted to have a fun time. This actually depressed me a little to have so many people bail or not answer their phones. I know you can't help it when money is an issue and when you have other plans (last minute ones), but just bailing and not answering the phone erks me!

Rant over.....for now....maybe this is a sign telling me that I need to study more anyway :/

And It Begins!

This is my first blog yall, so be patient with me. I love writing and I cannot wait to share my thoughts, life, and experiences with you all. Nursing school and 13th Gate is what my life is all about right now, so that's what I'll be talking about mainly.

Sooo It's 12 am, I'm still awake, I have class at 9am and pre-clinical....haven't been to clinical in 2 weeks...Thursday and Friday will be interesting. I'll be sure to catch you up. Late-uzzz!