I have been in college since 2005. A long Effing time! I have been doing the best I can for the past 2 1/2 years because around 2006-2009, I was trying to do what everyone 19/20 year old wants to do. Live alone, party, work, have a nice apartment, have a good relationship and still try and pass prerequisites for nursing school. Well, everyone in my life knows how this has turned out in my favor. I was evicted from my first apartment, in a dumb relationship for almost 3 years that gave me NOTHING, I had to keep moving further and further from my school and trying to get there when you have a sucky Dodge, Neon and an ex who won't work does not fit in your college student life. We all struggle yes, but I never realized how much time was wasted. 3 years!
I kept trying to pass one class for 3 semesters while trying to work and pay bills and rent which was super friggin hard and then living with someone who kept me away from my family and in the dark was just wrong. I was very weak then, but I'm only happy to say that I've learned to be a stronger person from that relationship. I dare someone to EVER try and walk all over me again.
When I got out of that relationship, I moved in with my sister and was depressed for a long time. I jumped right into another one even though I knew I shouldn't have. That one lasted two years. I had to be mama, daddy, sister, brother, cousin, teacher, and girlfriend to this person. CHILDISH is the best adjective. I cannot believe the things I did....the things I saw in this person. I knew I was hurt and I was only relishing in the fact that someone was giving me attention after a bad break up. I said I didn't want to get in a rebound relationship, but they didn't listen. .......You're listening now I bet!
Let's say....I'm super glad I got out of that crap. I had to take my second semester nursing class over because I was WORKING like a dummy and didn't study as much. The next time I took that class, I killed it. The next semester, I broke up with this person who was making me taking care of them and went back home yet again.
I am in the best relationship of my life now. There are some downfalls, but the good outweighs the bad in this situation. Driving for an hour to clincial at 5 am is not fun. I am soooo not a morning person, but duty calls with nursing school. Treat this like a full time job they say, you can't work, you need to study this many hours a week, you need to concentrate, write when you study, blah, blah, blah, effing blah! I have to repeat my two first semester senior classes now. ....How great. I tried to study, I tried to work, I tried to get the hell out of these classes. They do not make it easy. I'm not trying to say that they should've just let us all just fly on through the program with no challenge. I know obtaining a nursing degree won't be easy, but this ish is ridiculous. I don't live in a cookie cutter environment where Mommy and Daddy can pay for everything and I have no worries at all. I need to pay my phone bill, my car insurance, anything that happens to my car since it's such a lemon, gas to drive 30 to 45min every 4-5 days, food (I'm not blessed with foodstamps), lights in my house (I can't read/study in the dark).....it's just so much that I don't feel like they understand we have to go through.
The economy sucks so hard right now and it isn't easy for anyone. I stopped working and I started to do better, but I just didn't make it. NOW I will most likely, if they even allow me to continue in the program, and if not, yall will see me on the news and a school gone up in smoke because the psycho side of me will resurface, have to take both of these classes seperatley and still be yet ANOTHER semester behind. The only good I see in this is that I'll be able to finish with my child development courses as well....hey, I might actually finish this BEFORE nursing. That will be a shame. I love nursing. I love helping people, but this is just too unbelievably undoable. I don't know if it's me, I don't know if it's the school, but something needs to change. I am so tired of this. So tired. .....Rant over
No comments:
Post a Comment